As female entrepreneurs, there’s no doubt that our biggest struggle is… well… believing in ourselves. Even if you know you’re the best at your specific skill or you feel amazing about the products you’re creating, self doubt will rear its ugly head at some point in your journey.
That’s where amazing women like Velera Wilson come in. Valeera Wilson is a speaker and coach who helps ambitious women break ties with the limiting beliefs about themselves so they can confidently command their worth. Amazing, right?
Velera recently joined me on an episode of Brave New You, and it’s one of my favorite chats.
From kitchen countertop hustles to the boardroom
In her work with female CEOs and professionals, Velera has found that — no matter what sort of business, profession, or goals a woman has for herself — she experiences self-doubt.
Velera has been in the boardroom with female executives, hearing them ask out loud:
Am I actually worth that?
Can I ask for that?
What if they say no?
Every successful, strong, and intelligent woman doubts herself. If you’ve been feeling self-doubt or have been questioning your worthiness, you are not alone.
There’s another thing that women tend to do, according to Velera. We settle.
We tend to keep things status quo, we tend to doubt our right to pursue more, we tend to just be glad that we got invited to the table. And that means we hold back from asking for more. That keeps us playing small, it keeps us unhappy, and it means that we never really get to spread our wings and soar.
Whether you’re working your side hustle from your kitchen countertop or you’re bossing up the boardroom, this is something all women face. While I don’t love that, I think it does help to know you’re not alone.
That’s the other thing Velera and I talked about: feeling alone.
Friendships, worthiness, and leveling up
While we may work to level up our businesses, advance our careers, and demand what we’re worth, there’s something funky that happens when women do this. Velera calls it “the gap.”
The friendships we surround ourselves with actually affect how we view our worth; the more we’re around people who believe in what we’re doing and who are also striving for it, the more capable we feel. But all of us worry about leaving people behind, about changing the circles we run in. But in this chat with Velera, she gave me goosebumps when she said: You have permission to evolve.” It’s OK to leave relationships that no longer serve you behind. How powerful is that?
We’re so connected to Version 1.0 of ourselves, but when we’re ready to move to Version 2.0, we have to break from the pack. We have to find new people. That’s where Velera’s gap is: between where we’re coming from and where we want to be. This is where the discomfort happens, where we start to doubt ourselves, when we feel those ties loosening — and that can be really scary.
The good news? There are people waiting for you to get where they are, or who are running there with you. We might be alone in this season, but your people are going to find their way to you. Isn’t that just so powerful?
Working through self-doubt to show up more
The last thing Velera and I talked about is how women in the online business space, or who are building their own businesses and brands, can really step into their worth and stop doubting themselves so much.
Velera made such great points. She mentioned that, when we’re quiet or when we hide from the opportunities to put ourselves out there, we actually deny ourselves the ability to live a happy life. We prefer perfection, which prevents us from ever getting started.
And then she said something else that gave me goosebumps: “Purpose is the goal. Passion is the goal. Not perfection.” WOW.
Of course, she didn’t stop there. Velera went on to give us all a beautiful mantra I think we can all use in our day-to-day lives: “You are the solution to someone’s problem TODAY. There’s something that makes you especially qualified to help someone right now.”
What happens when you don’t feel worthy, or when that mantra just isn’t cutting it?
Worthiness: Why we don’t feel it
Women struggle with worth especially because we are raised to serve and support others. We are communal. And society tells us that there are things we’re capable of, qualified for, “built for,” etc… and there are things we’re told we’re not supposed to do, not ready for, or that just aren’t for us.
All of that wiring and upbringing affects how we approach things that require us to step out of those “traditional roles” — whether it’s standing up to a client to ask for more money, leading a team, sending a scary proposal, etc.
Most women Valeera coaches are professionals who operate in a corporate space, but the things they say about feeling worthy are so similar to the things I hear female entrepreneurs say. It all boils down to feeling like we’re not enough.
Velera drops one last nugget of wisdom about how to combat feelings of “I am not enough.” It’s pretty simply, but oh-so-powerful:
I am evolving. I am not perfect. But I do bring value. I do have ideas that are important and I can help right now with what I’ve got.
Velera was just such a joy to have on the podcast, and you already know I got her book, You’re Absolutely Worth It. I promise you, after listening to this podcast and reading Velera’s book, you’ll feel worth it, too.
This was such a beautiful conversation with Valeera, so if you’re able and willing, definitely tune into the full recording of Brave New You.
For more insights on how to feel more rooted in yourself, your business, and your brand, make sure you’re subscribing to the Brave New You podcast!